Welcome to smalltalk For over 20 years I've been writing here on my own personal Bayeux Tapestry, just a long scroll depicting the struggles and joys of my life. No linkable individual entries, no connections to social media, no comment sections or like buttons, just one long weave per year. When I started it, in the year of 2004 AD, I think it was reasonably normal to have a blog like this for an artist. A few years later most people switched to the established blogosphere and then the gated communities of social media took over. Stubbornly I stuck with my old html tapestry for some reason. Mostly because I wanted it to be a backyard of mine where I could write whatever I wanted without it becoming a push notification. I always felt like it did something to the communication. Social media felt like standing on a busy street, trying to tell a story while people shouted at me and smalltalk felt like a quiet garden where I could carve a message in the bark of a tree. I should also point out that I may very well have digital agoraphobia. But that’s beside the point. smalltalk has never been supposed to be a place of ambition. Sometimes it's been a newsboard, sometimes a diary, most times a dustbin. But a lot of times I've gone back to it and discovered lines and stories that became popular songs. In the beginning of 2021, when the pandemic had fully engulfed us, I decided to turn it into a Q&A, which it's been since then. SO SEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS: Email: smalltalk (at) jenslekman.com Subject line: Jens Will See You Now (If you have a question but don't want it posted here just choose a different subject line) |
JENS WILL SEE YOU NOW # 50 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hi Jens, Now that your North American tour is over, I wonder if the experience helped you learn anything new about ‘Songs for Other People’s Weddings’ (the album), ‘Songs for Other People’s Weddings’ (the book), old songs, the cities you visited, your bandmates, yourself. I imagine touring can be both exhilarating and exhausting, but maybe also hopefully enlightening. It was really nice seeing you play in Toronto. Thanks for driving through a snowstorm and playing ‘Maple Leaves’ for us. All the best, Ryan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hi Ryan I learned that it’s easier than I thought to find a pair of cowboy boots in Minneapolis. That Chicago is beautiful in snow. That The Great Hall in Toronto has the nicest staff I learned to love the Bawstin accent. And that Clara who I played a benefit show for in 2008 after she had been in an accident, still lives in Northhampton and is doing great. I learned from Yeemz, by way of David, about the beta paradox as we discussed the story's trajectory backstage in Philly. And at a wedding in Hudson I learned that I may be a pretty good wedding entertainer but I’m nowhere near the band I shared the stage with that night, Shorty Long and The Jersey Horns. In Brooklyn I just had a blast. You don't have to learn something every night. In DC I learned that when Trump is president, the opposition comes together. People are kind in times of unkindness. And in Durham I learned about the ICE raids that had taken place in the city the same day. Fuck ICE. I learned that if you dedicate a song ”to all the lovers” in Asheville, half of the crowd will start making out. In Atlanta I learned through my drummer that if you get a haircut there, the barber will show you his gun collection. And that The Earl is still one of the best venues in the world. I learned that Nashville has it’s own Parthenon. And while sitting there, falling asleep against one of it’s gigantic columns, I learned that a tour like this really needs at least a day or two off for rest. But we had to get to Texas on time. In Dallas the exhaustion caught up with me and took out my voice. I learned that my audience will carry me when I’m out of breath. On the way to Austin, I asked Marem Ladson to play us some of her favourite spanish songs and I learned about the boy with the sad eyes. I learned that when the trains pass by the Motel 6 in Van Horn, TX, the rooms literally shake. I didn’t learn this time either what Thanksgiving really is but I did enjoy the pumpkin pie in Tucson. And I learned that if you just spontaneously take a left on the highway on your way to Phoenix you’ll end up in the Sonoran Desert which is where Arizona looks like Arizona. I learned in LA that the most probable cause for my future tinnitus is not playing with a band night after night but rather a packed Lodge Room with 600 people screaming with joy simultaneously. On the way to San Francisco I learned that I got a grant that I had applied for, which made me happy. Later I learned that despite the grant and despite playing weddings on the off days and despite selling out almost half of the shows and staying at the cheapest hotels and working round the clock for months to make it happen, the tour still lost money. But in Portland I learned from something I heard someone tell their child on the street: You can choose to have a good time or a bad time. And I chose to have a good time. In Seattle I learned that my band were really sad to go back home. In NY I learned that I was too. |
JENS WILL SEE YOU NOW # 49 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Jens Q: What is loneliness to you? Best, Jeff - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Jeff I remember working at Färdtjänsten, a taxi service for people who are unable to use public transport. Maybe it’s called paratransit elsewhere? Mobility service? I sat by a computer, took calls and coordinated the drives. I liked my job and often worked on Christmas and holidays because the pay was good, everything was calm and I liked talking to the people who called. The calls I would get those days were often from old people who just wanted to talk. They sounded ashamed and apologized for calling. I said it was fine and we talked for a bit. At the end of the call I asked them if they wanted to order a taxi and they said ”sure”. ”Where to?” I asked. ”I don’t know” they said. Their voices still echoed in my mind as I took the tram out to my parents at the end of the night, where a warm meal and christmas gifts were waiting for me. I remember hearing that terrorist Anders Behring Breivik had sued the Norwegian state for his isolation in jail. I heard that he was isolated from the other inmates in a dedicated section in the prison with several rooms of his own, a gym, a kitchen, Xbox, huge flatscreen TV. He wasn’t allowed to see anyone except the guards but he had three budgies. I wonder what he named them. I remember back in 2011, just after the shooting at Utøya, that someone suggested that his punishment should be to never be allowed to read another book in his life. An absurd punishment but I shivered when I read it. I remember reading Days of Loneliness by August Strindberg a few years ago, in which the narrator (probably Strindberg himself towards the end of his life) wanders through Stockholm in the early 1900’s and finds comfort in his solitude. He’s separated himself from the idea of what a life should look like and instead has found freedom and meaning in his inner world. He watches a couple with their baby from his window but in contrast to his younger self he doesn’t feel jealousy or cynicism, instead he has come to terms with his destiny - this is his life and that’s theirs. I listened to it as an audio book on my evening walks at a time when I felt disconnected from people and life. And it made me feel less lonely. I remember seeing an article about the top 10 creepiest places on the internet and one such place was apparently a Buffy The Vampire Slayer forum that only had one user. One person who posted tens of thousands posts. It seemed to be one woman talking to herself. After it was named one of the creepiest places, a haunted house of solitude, people couldn’t stand its existence and decided to storm the forum with mean comments. Turns out it was a place that functioned more like a news portal, not a forum. There were actually other users but they weren’t meant to participate, only follow. They had their community. After it was stormed, the place closed permanently. I remember a moment in my music career when a fan who I had been avoiding for years, a person who didn’t understand boundaries, suddenly revealed that they had been communicating with me through multiple fake aliases over several months. I suddenly realized that the majority of the correspondence I’d had during this time was just this one person. Almost no one else had been writing. I remember a dinner with friends where a conversation made me realize that I didn’t know them and they didn’t know me. I remember sitting in a couch with a partner, me on one side and them on the other, feeling like the couch was a billion light years long. I remember an older woman at a wedding dinner telling me about her marriage and how it had fallen apart. "Is there anything lonelier than a lonely marriage?" she said and I immediately asked if I could put that in a song. What is loneliness to you, Jeff? |
JENS WILL SEE YOU NOW # 48 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hi Jens I was catching up on Smalltalk before I see your show tonight and saw the story about Calvin and Black Cab. I was moved by that story because my baby is four months old and I sing her Maple Leaves as a lullaby. She loves it. I wanted to know, what song of yours do you think makes the best lullaby? Or would you go with another artist? Jamie P.s. it is hard times in chicago right now. Thank you for coming to our beautiful and resilient city. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hi Jamie That's interesting that Maple Leaves is the one you chose to sing as a lullaby for your daughter. I'm equally surprised when people want to hear it at their weddings, always makes me wonder if they know what it's about. But I'm guessing they and you know exactly what it's about and that you've chosen it for a reason, consciously or not. There's an old song of mine called It Was a Strange Time In My Life that starts with a recording of me as a child. The melody young Jens is singing is the opening theme to the TV show Unser Sandmännchen, a popular children's show from DDR / East Germany. The show was about Sandmann (The Sandman) who goes on adventures, travels to space (and showcases cool socialist technological achievements such as flying cars and rocketships) before sprinkling sand in the eyes of the children so they go to sleep. The animated show was based on H.C Andersen's fairytale Ole Lukøje, where the Sandman is a dream god that visits a young boy each night to tell stories and help him sleep. He has two umbrellas, one filled with wonderful dreams and the other filled with no dreams at all. On the last night he takes the boy to the window and shows him the Sandman's brother, who is also known as Death. He tells the boy that his brother only comes once in your life and takes you on a sleep that never ends. When I was a kid my parents used to sing the Sandmännchen theme song for me as a lullaby. And they would sing the typical Swedish lullabys, often traditional sailor songs about grief and the loss of a dear one. They were always in a minor key and incredibly sad. And I would imagine that my bed was floating in the middle of the ocean on a stormy night, the cold waves tumbling around me but my bed was warm and safe. I could sense that there were horrific things in the world that I did not know about yet, that I couldn't yet understand. I could sense that in the contrast between my parents soft voices and the sadness of the song there was something at stake. But that this, whatever it was, was also what made life worth living. One song I sometimes listen to when I wake up at 3am and can't go back to sleep is this. But you have to choose your own lullaby, Jamie. And I think you have already. J x |
Old Talk 2013